There is always something lovely about coming home...as a married adult, my home should technically be in LA, where the boy and I live, but the reality is that "home" is still my parents' house- in other words, Atlanta, GA.
This weekend was a spur of the moment decision - my brother was spending the weekend in ATL and it just seemed so lovely that after both our weddings we could still "come home". And it has just been great! I think that regardless of however much your partner understands you or loves you, if you are close to your family, then your very true self only exists in that space shared with those people, who the universe gave you as parents and siblings. Maybe this is some reflection on how close the boy and I are, maybe its symbolic of my ties to the outside world...I don't know and frankly while I've analysed this for years, I don't really want to change anything.
Being back in the bosom of my nuclear family is just lovely - I feel that a younger and less guarded me is present. We may disagree and fight with each other, but there is never any need to be wary. My parents and my brother are here with me for life (touch wood). However much the boy says he "knows me" and he thinks he really, really knows me...my parents get me without much thought. I have quite a few friends who are just as close to their parents and siblings and I think it is a gift and a burden. A gift, because to have such limitless love is amazing; a burden because it spoils you for all future loves.
There I've said it. The fact is, no one can live up to that love! Sigh, I remember being at my grandfather's house in Bombay and having the same feeling. My mum loved being back with us and her sisters around. It was in that space that I felt safest and most loved. Yes, back then and even now, I know that these escapes into time only work as short excursions, but I am so thankful to have them!
By Monday, I'll want to be back in LA, applying for jobs, being with the boy, meeting up with friends and doing all my grown-up chores, but for now, I'm thrilled to be my 10 year old self, lying on my parents' bed, chatting and drinking sweet tea and watching my mother tie her sari as she heads out for a party. Oh yeah, and thinking up ways to tease my brother!!!
2 comments:
I didn't know your brother got married...how cute he'll always be the younger brother!!!
I find it fascinating that you refer to Arv as the "boy". And that you situate yourself so closely in the bosom of your family. What a yearning for security you seem to have... If Arv = the boy, then Anj = the girl, and they are equally appropriated into the family.
I'm probably projecting because my own inner yearning for security is so great, and yet I have none.
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