I've been working 14-15 hour days for the last 2+ weeks, and some weekend thrown in there as well. Sometime last week I was informed this hell may go on through May. I nearly cried in anguish - right there - over my glass of red wine - slipping off my bar stool. But, it seems as if things will be ok (here comes the sunshine) and May, while no walk in the garden, won't be as terrible as the past weeks. Having said that, now 11 hour days a normal and coming home by 9 pm on a Friday is a reason to celebrate.
Having bitched about the above, I should say the following:
1. I secretly enjoy working long hours - I'm not sure if this is a sign of me running away from something, running to something or just generally running around...but I like the spirit that comes from all of us crammed in an office, high on coffee, churning stuff out and flipping a coin to see who should go pick up the take out food. I also like the post-brutish-hours drinks with colleague/friends.
2. I thrive on the intense rush of deadlines - I feel more focused and clear about what I have to do. My mind races (mainly due to caffeine overload) and my heart thumps at a nice, quick pace and I feel terribly energized.
3. I am awfully bored if I don't feel engaged in my work, which usually means, slogging through meetings, brainstorming on stuff, pulling long nights, pushing myself and complaining about work. I'm not a 9-5-er and while I dream of being so, I've altered even my most mundane jobs to be more intense (take Cadbury's Legal in Toronto, where I ended up pulling long nights with S, when I was in truth a temp, and could leave anytime after 5 pm).
So, WHY? WHY? WHY? I've been talking to B about this a lot as she feels the same pull. I think I just like the feeling of being depended upon or part of the "in" team or just needed... the thing is as I get older, and I become more aware of myself holistically, I need time away from work. While my practices have stayed the same, I'm slowly changing and I actually am becoming more sane/balanced/lazy/conscious of life etc etc.
Here is what I miss doing and have to find the time and space to do (and frankly realise that I can't pull such insane hours for long any more!):
1. Writing in my gratitude journal
2. Having long conversations with my girlfriends on the phone
3. Reading - consuming books
4. Spending time with friends and the boy (quality time, vs wild dashes in and out for a drink)
5. Meditating
6. Working out at the gym
7. Cooking meals at home
I think this means I'm maturing - work is often about the ego, and I hope I'm realising it is time to put the ego away - or at least diminish its influence on my dailing life...the end is near dear ego!!! Watch out!
2 comments:
I have a solution: have a baby. There's nothing like it to force you away from work : ) Oh, and there's the side issue of us Aunties wanting more little ones around for our little ones to beat up on, of course.
where do you work, what do you do?
Post a Comment