7 years in couple-dom

Today is 7 years since the boy and I started going out - or to be exact - that fateful night on the couch in 208, East 13th street, NY, NY.

What would I say about our relationship today:

1. I'm shocked that we have made it here;
2. I'm glad we are together in our 30s;
3. I respect his instincts a lot and trust in his reading of situations;
4. I am still surprised by his trusting and giving nature - sometimes to the point of eyebrows being raised;
5. I like and admit that he knows me very well (not, as he claims, better than I know myself);
6. I like how we have both influenced each other in terms of our thoughts, our politics, our attitude to life, our habits and our cooking;
7. I would like us to grow more as a couple -- exploring more about ourselves together and our world - both in the sense of the local and the universal;
8. I wish we would avoid being as competitive with each other as we sometimes find ourselves to be;
9. I would like us to work on talking about our friends and families without getting defensive;
10. I'd like us to remain good friends through the coming years and continue to provide each other with support and treat each other with kindness and respect as we do now;
11. I really, truly hope we stay excited about life - with each other and as individuals; and
12. I hope we create a whole host of lovely new memories in the years ahead.

Will we be together for all eternity - who the hell knows? Will we always love each other? Maybe not! Will we stay faithful to our relationship - I hope so and if not, I hope the disloyalty is worth it - and it may be. You may notice that I don't ask for honesty - everyone has a different understanding of what this means and so it seems empty to ask your partner to "be honest".

I ask mainly for respect and kindness - even in a break up that is all I really want. No manipulative guilt - I wasn't brought up with those games and I don't want to be involved in them at this late point in my life.

I know there are quite a few things for me to work on - in relation to the boy but also in relation to my own well-being. For starters, I have to be stronger in character and know where and when to draw the line (politely). I fear being bulldozed by his side and by him and then reacting with anger after the bulldozing. I am now more aware of the bulldozers (post -wedding) and I have to be strong - even if that means not always being liked. I also have to be a better, quicker communicator - I tend to hold stuff to myself and then suddenly boil over, to the surprise and horror of all involved. I need to be more patient and accepting as well - so that if I don't understand or get a relationship, I still need to leave it be and respect it. I'm sure the boy doesn't understand all my relationships but he gives me space to pursue them.

Being back in the couple-fold after two + years away is difficult. I'm sure it is hard for him as well, as we will see this weekend when wants conflict with time etc. But, it is a re-learning process. I have to say that I really loved my time in Brussels and my independence - but I am happy (very happy) to be back in couple-dom in full form at this point, because if it had waited any longer, I would just not be able to do it again. However much one complains about being single/alone etc - there is great freedom within the state - and that can get really addictive.

There are many things I'd change about us, him, me, the past - both the singular and the collective, but que sera sera...here we are, seven years on, back in the US, just another coast, living together again. This is how the chips have fallen and we have to play with the pack dealt.

I just spoke to my mum and I think my practical, non-romantic tone is getting people down. The fact is I'm happy we got married and I'm happy we are sharing a space again, but I do miss Brussels and my old life. It will pass...but I'm not the sort to live on a cloud - I never have been (except maybe for those few weeks during the summer of 1993 and then again in 2000 and maybe recently in 2006) but overall I'm just not that glowing sort of gal...sorry.

Since we started dating the stuff that has remained constant about me:

1. My love for the Gypsy Kings, golden oldies, world music and sing-alongs of stuff like "those were the days";
2. My passion for reading (when I'm in a book, don't bother talking to me, please);
3. My gut-reaction to be pro-India/Indian;
4. My level of math (has not improved dating a Tamil);
5. My lack of curiosity in the physical explanations of how things work or their origins (refrigeration for example or where electricity comes from);
6. My level of neurosis and anxiety (almost constant amber alert); and
7. My (in)ability to fold clothes properly or chop garlic into miniscule pieces.

What has changed - thanks to the boy:

1. My appreciation for other music - broader listening interests into the 1990s and music of this century;
2. My ability to go with the flow and sometimes to even wing it;
3. An increase in my level of extrovertness, niceness and amount of smiling (I'm really a smiler now!);
4. My ability to deal with and talk myself out of my panic over everything and nothing;
5. My ability to laugh at myself and positively critique my surroundings (me, family, friends);
6. My loyalty - I think I've become a better friend and come to appreciate what friendship can offer - especially in terms of giving more;
7. My health factors - eating, working out, taking time out (balancing life - something you learn to need with a libra around); and
8. My love and understanding of Americans (and what makes them tick).

Overall, it’s been a good seven years run- especially in terms of growing as a person and growing by the side of a good person. A big thanks to the boy for being there and here’s to many more. Cheers.