The boy has been particularly busy these past few days/week, as exams are looming. but the end is in sight and we are both excited for Spring Break - mentally filling it with tons of things we haven't been able to do so far. We did manage to go for a great hike on Saturday up to Topanga Canyon, which worked wonders for both of us - allowing the boy some space to vent his stress and providing me with some time to contemplate my marriage and my new life in LA (listening to Cesaria Evora on my ipod).
With my recent funk, everything has seemed darker and more negative than usual. I'd say, that while I am moody, I'm usually quite positive about my life and consider myself extremely lucky. I think I have been dealt a very good hand and have played it well enough. But the last few weeks have seen me question a lot of things and slowly hurt myself by my doubts. I totally gave in to the depression and couldn't see the bigger picture.
So here are some things I am really, and truly thankful for:
1. My parents - for their unstinting and constant love, their never-ending support and their principles of justice and equality for all - all of which have provide me with a secure saftey net; a strong framework within which every aspect of me was celebrated and nurtured, a sense of stability and support, which allowed for growth of self and the space and wings to fly and learn;
2. The boy - who is my partner, friend and lover and is so generous of spirit, his wallet, his mind and his heart;
3. My brother - who is turning 28 next week and is the best sibling around (granted also pretty damn intelligent and fun);
4. My godmother - who has always been like a second mother to me and is a good example of a beautiful and gentle soul in a cynical world;
5. The spirit and memory of my grandfather - this great guy who single handedly raised 3 wonderfully strong, intelligent and warm daughters (one of whom is my mother) and who really helped shape my core self and confidence through his love, wise words, his strength of character and his constant defense of the under dog;
6. My friends - old, new, family friends etc - how nice to have such a stimulating and caring extended family;
7. My in-laws for being good people with good hearts;
8. My sister-in-law to be - who is solid in personality and principles and will always look after my brother;
9. My life experiences - I've had the very blessed chance to travel the world, with my parents, with the boy, through my work and school, learn from some truly amazing and interesting people, eat fabulous food, enjoy sights and cities that are imprinted on my mind and live a life full of adventure and laughter;
10. My books - where would I have been without my books and reading? This must be one of the greatest gifts given to me by my family - all voracious readers. My books have transported me over the years to different places, made me ask questions, think through problems, deal with emotional issues and generally been good, loyal companions!
What the list above reminds me to do is to celebrate my life rather than let the weeks waste away in a morbid funk. I'm also reminded that what you give out is what you get - if I have a few months more before I can work, why not spend that time doing some volunteer work? I have always been committed to doing some volunteering on the side and the only time I stopped was in Brussels (partly because work took so much out of me and by its very nature allowed me to feel I was giving back). I should look into ESL teaching programmes run by the Church or community centres - that way I will get to work with migrants as well.
Come April and I promise to start building community here in LA!!! The first step is getting back my positive attitude and excitment for this new adventure!
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