It suddenly seems as if everyone is pregnant or already has a baby - two of my close girlfriends (the trendsetters - first to marry etc., - though since they are dating each other, I count them as one), B's brother, R's 3 guy friends, M and M etc etc. I'm really happy for all of them but of course I'm also a bit weirded out - suddenly we're entering totally new territory, true adulthood! I can see the world changing in front of me and I'm mesmerized that it is actually happening. I always imagined myself as a mother, but in a sort of vague, “wouldn’t it be fun” kind of way, on the same level as the “wouldn’t it be fun to live off the grid” fantasy. (That old line that I can't even look after a plant, is well, frankly old.) Understand this - I don't want to have a child - for now. I am not ready and I'm just getting used to being a wife/partner, but suddenly this next step in "growing up" seems real. This extended youth is coming to a close – whether we like it or fight it – adulthood is now shadowing us, and to try and run away from it is a mistake. And here’s something, should I never be a mother, others around me will, and my life will change regardless.
For example, I spent Friday night out with the girls, we drank four pitchers of sangria, had a marvelous time at El Papagayo and closed the place down (thanks to the ownership who let us be as loud as we wanted, gave us extra lollipops, the great service and amazing Euro 10 -3 course meal) and really enjoyed the night because we had no one dependent on us or who we had to think about...apart from our boyfriends. That ease of being "free" probably wouldn't exist if we had kids - even if someone was babysitting them and we could stay out all night, the next day would be hell! With this recent spate of pregnancies (and of course the already documented marriage mania) I can see that nights like Friday at el papagayo will soon become rare, and while we will miss them, we'll feel fulfilled in other ways (hopefully!)
According to B, even when I'm wild, I'm maternal - I looked after her really well on Friday, as she was feeling all fluey. I like that, because that's how I imagine my aunt/mother persona - a bit crazy but solid and loving.
Only time will tell. And as my mum used to sing, "que sera sera, whatever will be, will be".
For now, I'm very thankful for my life - for a night like el papagayo, for such lovely friends, for having ginger ale at home to greet me on a painful Sat morning, for the Belgian police (to be detailed at another time) and for living in a society where I can go out on my own and not have to chaperoned by a man! And as for the future, I can only hope whatever path I'm own, it works out as well.
Last note: El Papagayo, Latin American Food (and more!)
6 place Rouppe, 1000 Brussels, Tél. 02/514.50.83
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