Coming down the mountain

My parents left this morning to return to Atlanta. Their visit, as expected, was just wonderful. The apartment was ours, we ate, drank, chatted, took it easy and also went out a lot! We walked all over the city and they really got a good glimpse of what my life is like right now. I had a super time. What was less expected, in fact, what was actually quite a surprise, was how much I missed them when they left. On my way to work this morning, I saw the last of the Easter mums (parents visiting kids in Brussels), hand in hand with her daughter on her way to the Euro Parliament, possibly where her daughter works, and their coziness had me in tears! I miss both the 'Rents terribly.
Of course this made me realise what my friend E (one of the girls) is always saying, basically that we are all here in Brussels just for work, which can only sustain us for so long. The fact is, I've been on a work high, and that has pushed me along feeling good versus low, for longer than normal. Work was absolutely lousy yesterday with PVB on vacation, shouting down the phone line on numerous issues, of which very few had to do with me or anything I'd done! He was awful and I was stressed. I had to bail on Strasbourg because the 'Rents were coming back into town and no one was here to open the door for them. I came home a shell and it felt so good to have them console me and pep me up.
The combination of a bad day at work (my sole reason for being here), their departure and my missing of the boy, just reinforced my feelings that however much I love it here, its time to come down the mountain. In the end, I need more to keep me going than just a good job. Maybe a few years ago, such a job and such a place, where I could go out and drink and party, would have been enough (actually, I'm not sure about this as I had this in NY to some degree and still felt angst). But now, I do need more -- I need my family around, I need the boy, and I need a space of my own. I have nothing except work here. The friends I have are so amazing but they will always remain friends and they too will leave. The exodus has already begun!
Do you remember that song,"coming down the mountain, here she comes...coming down the mountain, here she comes... she'll be wearing pink pajamas, she'll be wearing pink pajamas, she'll be wearing pink pajamas as she comes." You could replace what 'she' would be wearing verse by verse, usually getting raunchier and raunchier, and that was the kicker of the song.

On another note, I've been reading some of my favourite blogs and realise that they are far more personal than my own. I am hiding behind a facade, not ready to really let myself go. On my friend L's blog she actually mentions her sex life and some personal subjects. I sort of skirt issues -- which is strange -- as someone who is usually open. I worry about offending or libel claims. I'm too cautious for a blog writer and so to keep this going I'll have to change - ie - time to spice things up.

The issue of readership must be raised once again. When is the right time to start pushing this blog out there? I'm not sure I can to be honest! I wanted a portfolio of work (as such) before really launching this site, but I would have to post more entries, post more carefully, and post with much more focus than I do currently. I'm going to pick a topic for my next entry and work within a more set framework.

Can I just add on a side note (its my blog so I don't really have to follow my own discipline diatribe), I'm so happy we may end up in la-la land. I know I will have to learn how to drive and will probably have to go the gym much more than I do now (though I've been good) and engage in some serious hair straightener shit, but I do like the weather and the ease of the left coast. Will we ever return to the right coast and can we live there after years out west? I just don't know actually...found out that one of the boy's sets of friends move back East soon ---I'll miss them and wish they were in LA when I moved. One thing though, is that NYC, should we have ended there, would be too full of people we already know, which while comfortable and warm, can also be somewhat stifling. I'd rather have some space for a new life.

Big news before I end: my brother and his lovely gf are engaged. They kneed and said yes and offered and accepted the diamond just before Easter and then whizzed off to Barcelona for a romantic weekend. Just super!! I'm very happy for them. Congratulations kiddies!

And, I'm supposed to be getting a promotion of sorts - that is what HR has informed me. Of course, as she gave me this piece of info she also went on to say that while my work is superior and senior in nature (?) I seem younger than I am (I drink, I laugh, I'm loud). At my age, so she went on to lecture, she already had a kid and maybe it was time to focus on other aspects of my life. I know she meant well, but HR is not my favourite in general and while I agree with a lot she said, I just can't stand the pressure of why I have to follow a clock while the boy doesn't!! For that reason, I can never have it all! And, really, I'm going to keep on being loud and laddish even if that makes me seem young. I know the dry vagina movement is not really dead!

Ok ok, must end - on a good note -- have a snazzy new orange bag. I think 31 is going to see me in a lot of oranges, burnt golds, rusts...and less red. Sad about this but that seems to be how my wardrobe is currently evolving.

Feeling Low on Good Friday

My mum always says Good Friday is rainy and there is an air of depression. I agree. I vaguely remember a sunny Good Friday, but can't pinpoint when or where I was. Well, today the weather really was dark and gloomy, I feel very, very low. The whole week has been me arguing with myself, with the boy, with bloody Belgacom (the rat-ass phone company), getting nervy with the roommates and generally feeling tired. Work wise, I'm supposed to get a promotions --- or so they say. I'm not holding my breath, I'm so tired I'd just pass out if I did.
The wedding invite saga has been put on hold, or maybe it is over for now. I don't know. I can barely care. I appreciate my life here more and more and find it hard to think of giving it up. I will miss my independence. I went out with RB the other night and we got sozzled at Guru. We drank two bottles of white wine, started on a bottle of red wine, at a delicious pita and chips and I finally caught a cab home (almost crashed there), after having woken up his pal MD by ringing his bell and calling him out to play. This is what I love and appreciate about Gypsy culture - the ease which MD dealt with all of this was lovely. I'd have been flipping out and actually so would have the boy. But MD just laughed and ignored the fact we'd woken him up around midnight. Maybe I'm too Gadje. I know I'm becoming less and less Indian. RB said I seemed more cosmopolitan, but as I pointed out to him, the last time we chatted, he said I was becoming more and more Indian after getting Canadian citizenship:-)
I also had a good time on Saturday. Danced and danced at Mezzo and felt very nostalgic as the Mezzo Clan were all around me. There are some moments captured on mental film that will alwasy be lovely.
Oh yeah, I woke up the morning after RB, to an apt with no hot water, a borrowed CD of RB's and his all night bus pass. Before I caught my cab home, there must have been a moment I actually (insanely) considered catching the bloody night 71 home and he must have offered me his bus pass. I also woke up with cramps. SO SO happy I came home instead of crashing on his couch! He is a useless pal to depend upon but he is a good guy and I really like him. We came to Brussels together and meeting up is always "family".
On another note, the boy retreated into the cave this week. The Girls called it well. I'm not sure what is burning me out but something is...I have nothing to complain about and must be getting soft if a little battle with Belgacom can throw me like this.
I'm happy my parents arrive bloody early tomorrow and we get a weekend together. But I also wouldn't have minded the apartment all to myself. I realise I need space and miss it---I have to cut back on going out and come home and chill a bit more. I also just need to find my own space. I should have moved into my own place from the beginning. sigh.
In terms of blog news: I've added a counter to see if anyone is indeed visiting. Will I feel depressed if no one is (except the people offering to let me visit their site and make money -- see comment under last posting)visiting? Maybe this is my space alone and I should keep it like that for a while before rushing into joining with others.
Silence in the apt is so lovely. So very, very lovely. Happy Easter all!!