HAPPY HALLOWEEN & it's raining men...

uhm, no - more like interviews, actually

Ok, first there was a minor storm - the very first application resulted in a very positive interview and job offer (of weird sorts...), which I decided not to follow-up on for a variety of reasons (pay, scope of job etc etc).

Then came the drought - granted, it was a drought of only one month, because I've only been applying for jobs since our return from VA and my brother's wedding. But by the end of last week, I was feeling miserable!! I was even considering looking at NY or DC - which seem to have jobs requiring exactly what I have (international experience, in particular, EU knowledge etc).

And then came interview 1 and 2 and now possibly a third!!! This has boosted my spirits but also increased my anxiety levels to RED! It seems that finally my stars are turning and high time, I'm sick of being a housefrau. And though I've engaged with the outside world (taking/sitting in on UCLA graduate classes, trying to clean up my various languages, keeping on top of global issues, volunteering with UCLA, actively making friends), my days still revolve around the house, the boy, and dinner.

And while all 3 options may fall apart, this gives me the strength to continue. I loved my last job and really enjoy working. I've never cared for 9-5 jobs and look to my work to fulfill me! I can't wait to start working...yes, I know that when it happens, I'll have tons of complaints, hate waking up in the morning, resent the boy no end for not doing his part of the chores as quickly as needed, and suffer acute amounts of anxiety over minor and major issues alike. But, at least that is more "me" than the person I currently am!

p.s. happy ghoulish Halloween to all - we have a skeleton up on the door and are waiting the promised munchkin rush with candy cones (the boy's least favourite candy) and snicker bars (the boy's top favourite candy).

I am from VENUS and I should be living in Amsterdam!

I promised myself I'd join the boy in bed early tonight...we have a long day tomorrow. I even decided not to watch Law and Order, SVU and just jump into bed, that is, as soon as I turned off my computer. Anyhoo, a few "what the hell have I been doing" hours later I discovered that I am from Venus:

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious. A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host. You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all. Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform. Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

What Planet Are You From?

And that I should be living in Amsterdam:

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam. Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

What European City Do You Belong In?

Just for the record -

(i) I do tend try to please, way, way too often - this is usually the source of all my woes. And I often doubt the path I am on or wish to be on, if only because 'my world' (friends, family, the boy etc) may not agree with me. In fact, in the last few months I've felt this growing pressure to really come to terms with my desires and try and actively live them out;

and

(ii) I LOVE AMSTERDAM!!!!!!! I'd give up a whole secret list of things just to live there! I even love the Dutch!

Returning Home

There is always something lovely about coming home...as a married adult, my home should technically be in LA, where the boy and I live, but the reality is that "home" is still my parents' house- in other words, Atlanta, GA.

This weekend was a spur of the moment decision - my brother was spending the weekend in ATL and it just seemed so lovely that after both our weddings we could still "come home". And it has just been great! I think that regardless of however much your partner understands you or loves you, if you are close to your family, then your very true self only exists in that space shared with those people, who the universe gave you as parents and siblings. Maybe this is some reflection on how close the boy and I are, maybe its symbolic of my ties to the outside world...I don't know and frankly while I've analysed this for years, I don't really want to change anything.

Being back in the bosom of my nuclear family is just lovely - I feel that a younger and less guarded me is present. We may disagree and fight with each other, but there is never any need to be wary. My parents and my brother are here with me for life (touch wood). However much the boy says he "knows me" and he thinks he really, really knows me...my parents get me without much thought. I have quite a few friends who are just as close to their parents and siblings and I think it is a gift and a burden. A gift, because to have such limitless love is amazing; a burden because it spoils you for all future loves.

There I've said it. The fact is, no one can live up to that love! Sigh, I remember being at my grandfather's house in Bombay and having the same feeling. My mum loved being back with us and her sisters around. It was in that space that I felt safest and most loved. Yes, back then and even now, I know that these escapes into time only work as short excursions, but I am so thankful to have them!

By Monday, I'll want to be back in LA, applying for jobs, being with the boy, meeting up with friends and doing all my grown-up chores, but for now, I'm thrilled to be my 10 year old self, lying on my parents' bed, chatting and drinking sweet tea and watching my mother tie her sari as she heads out for a party. Oh yeah, and thinking up ways to tease my brother!!!