weddings, weight, and watching LOST

I'm getting really excited about the wedding. I mean really excited! This morning the boy and I realised we hadn't booked our own air tickets, though we've been busy advising others to do so quickly!

My wedding is in India - in two locations - one in a city I don't know well but is full of mystery and that I loved instantly on visiting it once, years ago. The boy's family comes from further south, but they live there now. It is a city full of contradictions - old and modern (the new tech haven), Muslim king and population in a Hindu, dravidian state. The other area/location is at the beach on the West Coat of India - a very Catholic area that I originate from and love, though I've never lived there. As the boy says, they are both places we have fond memories of and that we long to share with others.

It is completely thanks to our mums and our aunts (and our dads) that all this can even take place. I hope I can do half as much for my kids at some point. I want to provide a good time to my guests and for people to go back with happy memories. I also have to lose weight - I need to lose a few inches of my hips for sure. I've never been a dieter and an ok exerciser, but now I'm serious. I have 6 months and I'd feel more confident but since February (4 months ago), I haven't seen that much change. I have to try harder and be more committed.

I cut my hair recently so it would be healthy and long in time for the wedding. How crazy, but I'm all in to it now and I try my best not to talk about it unless someone asks and then speak just a bit about it. And they ask. A traditional Indian wedding is always a curiousity. I also want to concentrate on marriage vs the wedding. It is no poing having a big affair and then we don't put in effort to really make this union work.

The boy and I have been together for six years and I love him a lot though he is a bloody pain in the arse (now and then). I have faith in our togetherness because we get along. I also worry about certain issues and general lazyness setting in on both our parts. It seems daunting all of a sudden, but it will be good in the end. I just have to believe in it.

I'd kill for a bandara salad right now (from Vancouver's Cactus Club). But no such luck. Here is the menu link: http://cactusclubcafe.com/ccmenu.htm
My favourite (and actually the only one I could bother going to) is at Broadway and Ash. I had some funny and very drunken moments there.

One thing I do miss here is a good salad - either the greens are just plain or they mayo everything. Though the prawn and avocado salad at Touch and Go (St. Boniface) is pretty good to.

Ok, now I'm talking about food instead of eating it - I think this is a classic case of someone I don't want to be.

I'm off to bed - actually I lie - I'm logging off to watch an episode (or two) of LOST on DVD.

Pick and Mix: Picnics, othering/ colonialism, changes and the WORLD CUP

This is a 'pick and mix' entry - the name is a shout out to my brother and our joy at being allowed to go to the pick and mix candy section in Woolworths, in London!!! Do you remember?????

Well, the idea of actually moving to LA is becoming more and more "real" and actually exciting and positive. Astounding how attitude (acceptance on my part, public declaration of the move, practical steps etc) can change perspective to such an extent.

On another note, the weather was fabulous this weekend and I organised a picnic in the park (Parc Royal)to take advantage of a rare, Belgian sunny Sunday! It was lovely - we played badminton, ate yummy foods and drank chilled white and rose wine. It was also a bit odd at moments with some underlining bitchiness from one of my friends. I think I may have to call her on it -- her comments to me and to two other friends have increased in their ferociousness.
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Anyway, the picnic was lovely because of the general good mood of the others, the weather and the food. We had an interesting discussion on Belgian colonialism as the park, the whole downtown, the city in fact, are all products of the richness of the Congo. Reading King Leopold's Ghost has just highlighted and detailed some of the horrors of Belgian colonialism. My general understanding of Belgian colonialism, was that while it was indeed brutal, it was a complicated love affair and that the paternalism (and meddling) of the past continues today but in a more positive manner and through development aid (and this is said in contrast to the Brits washing their hands of us 'hindus' and moving out as quickly as possible once they'd carved up the sub-continent). But, the actual level of brutality and interference by the Belgians in the Congo is astounding - the practice of chopping of hands, that we see done today by the crazy rebels - was introduced by the Belgian landlords.

Actually, even today, educated Belgians speak of the Congolese as if they are wild children. This easy "othering" by Euros is something I will never get used to and which really makes my skin crawl. At a dinner the other night, someone at the table started speaking about their trip to the South of Italy in such a manner that it really reminded me of Mann's exoticisation of the Italians in "Death in Venice". I'm am full of generalisations - don't get me wrong - I understand the need to generalise and I don't mind the funny stories on culture, but I don't like the stereotyping whereby we paint a group as "less than civilised" or "savage" - whether this is in reference to their work habits (lazy), their sexual appetites and rates of reproduction (like rabbits) or their level of cleanliness/living standards (crowded, no taste, smelly etc). The best quote was this person saying "the town square [in a part of Sicily] was decorated so kitschy and tastelessly, just like India, though I've never been to India". Oh, I see...hah, and this of course coming from a person who loves to travel to 'exotic locations' and shop till she drops - somehow this 'uncivilised' aspect - low prices and haggling with vendors - is totally tolerable!

On another, another note - I made my long term, mid term and short term goals' list last week. And I feel more at peace! This is also the summer of movement and changes and so it seems right that I am also in a process of flux:

1. Weddings: half my world will be married by September 2007 with a crazy rush around this September! oh vey - it is an epidemic!

2. Babies - people are suddenly popping them out!

3. Moving away from Brussels: 2 Quebecois and 2 Brits - heading home of their very own accord. I'll miss this departing lot a lot - two of them are my closest buddies in Brussels and my Quebecois pal, like a sister!!!

4. New loves and new jobs: the singles are all hooking up in earnest and then finding that they have job offers they can't refuse all the way across the world. The universe loves to play such games!

Last note: The WORLD CUP is on - the bars are full of boys (and some girls) with eyes on the tv screen - their shouts of glee or despair can be heard every evening. The excitement builds, tomorrow is Italy vs Ghana and my Italian pals are all going to watch at Place Luxembourg. I'll probably tag along though I tend to support the underdog, in this case Ghana. Reminds me of my very first boyfriend...sigh...Kofi!
I hope we see an unexpected winner this year and a revolution on the playing field - maybe a new Pele - we need a little hope. I'm going to try and post an interesting article by Kofin Annan (not my old bf!) on the the global aspects of the World Cup and its resemblence to the UN etc.

Foul Mood - stay away from me!

Wow, I was in a truly foul mood today! As I just told the boy, haven't felt like this since 1986 (ha ha)! No really, I woke up after the long, lovely weekend, in time for work etc and initially feeling something - thought maybe a bit low, a little depression. But oh no, depression would have been welcome, instead I was just all out bitchy and snappy today. Silence reigned in my office, cos they only talk when I do, which is most of the time. I even snapped at S, my close work buddy and partner in crime! I'm shocked, I don't even know where this tempest came from and it hasn't really disappeared as yet. Talking with the boy helped, he made me laugh, though a couple of times I tried to start a fight (over his vs my friends), but he dodged the bullets and at one point, caught one in his teeth and spat it back at me. The worst part is, I can see my bitchyness and I'm horrified because the Euros can't deal with such stuff. They don't confront and they are a peaceful, non-attacking lot. I was like a rottweiller (sp) amongst the little lambs today!!! Ugh, I'm slowly starting to feel guilt. Honestly, it has to do with getting off the pill, stress (the bloody China visit tomorrow), and general hormone wonkyness (like last month's 2 week dippy period!) Then again at age 31 it is time to get some control!
Tomorrow, I'm going to have to make up some of the damage, at least to S, who is lovely! And what about my recent intense irritation and dislike of my ex-boss? What is up with that? I have to conquer this trait whereby if I lose respect for someone or they annoy me then it is all down hill from there and I just can't tolerate them anymore - EVEN if they still love me and support me. The problem here is actually that I'm getting away with being a bully because when I'm good, I'm really really good (and fun, and outgoing and as one of the senior staff says, "the mentor".)
And that is another thing, the young 'uns are always asking me for advice and I like to help and provide tangible steps forward, but I want some professional advice too! I also want some answers and maybe I should start the asking and listening process again.
Anyway, all I know is that I can't be like this regularly and I have to take such moods in hand. I know we are all allowed our bad spells, but I really dislike people who take it out on others and there I was today, doing the same. It isn't acceptable, not to co-workers, family, loved ones or friends. So, to the universe - I'm really really sorry! Please give me the strength to apologise tomorrow in many ways and make it up to people serenely!

Marriage - for one and for all

I should really mention the big events taking place in my life, namely, getting married to the boy and moving to LA. I guess I haven’t mentioned the marriage thing really because it seems a bit surreal. Also, this isn’t a blog about my upcoming wedding (though I’m addicted to East Side Girl, who is about to get married). I think the real reason I don’t mention marriage or my wedding is that I’ve never been the sort of girl who imagined herself getting married or walking down the aisle in white, or walking around a fire in red (which I will probably do in January!) What I did imagine, as a child and then teenager, was having a daughter, a lover who supported me but let me be myself, living in Europe, somewhere warmer and more colourful than Brussels, and writing. The boy fits my image of the guy I’d end up with – he was always brown in my mind’s eye and free wheeling – though somehow, he was more a market stall type than a PhD economist.

Anyway, my point is that I never sought marriage though I did seek partnership. But in the end, marriage has become of some importance and I need it for social and practical reasons. The world, more specifically some nation states, like the US, are not generous to the unmarried couples. I need marriage to live with the boy in the US – that simple, hence our civil knot tying in June in Hawaii. I also would like the social celebration of our love and the acceptance that we are really a couple (by his friends, family on both sides etc) and thus the wedding in India in January. What comes with marriage is that we get to sleep in the same bed wherever we are, his friends have to deal with us as a set, read grown-up, couple (no more sharing of beds with them etc), and we make a commitment to each other that whispered words as live-ins just don’t measure up to somehow. In the end, that public gesture and verbalization of our love and the "community's" celebration of it carries with it some secret magic.

In light of my own evolvement towards my own marriage (though I would never suggest that any couple needs marriage to be legit), and my general views on homosexuality, I find it appalling that in this day and age where sex is just another act, we cannot accept same-sex love enough to offer it the same community acceptance that we do to heterosexual love. I don’t ask of religions to accept gay couples, but the liberal-democratic state, should be blind to homosexuality and heterosexuality and look instead at humanity. For the same reasons that I need/want marriage, plenty of my gay friends do too – and most of them are in relationships many a hetero would love to be in! So, why sanction one set and condemn another? No one should have the monopoly on defining love and partnership and certainly not in terms of gender! Such state based morality is old fashioned and paternalistic to say the least - and - it is time to move on, as we did on banning inter-racial affairs. My own Canada, of which I am so proud of in this arena, is now to re-debate the question under this new, conservative government and I can only hope my fellow citizens have the energy to stand up again and tell the government to butt its nose out of what constitutes our "love".

This post says it all:
Blogging for LGBT Families at http://twouteruses.blogspot.com

Brain Drain and Brain Waste

One of my main issues with Europe is its point of view on migration, in particular high skilled migration and migrants. The Commission is currently pushing for an EU-wide/EU level migration policy, which while far off for the moment, is like the Directives on Environment etc., inevitable. On the other hand, individual member states are trying to (re)carve out migration policies - for some this is new territory as they have rarely had any set "policy" on migration apart from traditional liberal democracy family reunification style migration. The main member state in the news right now is France, with a new immigration bill - requesting longer processing times for family reunification while supporting a highly skilled TEMPORARY migration programme.

In reaction to the US and Canada (according to Sarkozy), the French have decided they too have to attract "talent", especially as they view talent to be less troublesome than their current 'low-skilled' and 'badly educated' migrants (of course, a number of these so-called migrants are in fact 2nd generation French citizens). I'd like to point out here that most of the migrants have been quite successful and the poverty witnessed in certain areas is experienced by both white and non-white. Unemployment is harder on the young visible minority male because mainly of his colour or culture and less because of his lack of education. Studies have shown in France a male with a Muslim name stands little chance of getting a good job.

Granted though, there is a vast difference between migrants from the same regions (North Africa, Asia) who move to the US, Canada and Australia than to France or Germany. And unfortunately, there are links between the ease of cultural integration/assimilation into 'western society' and levels of education. Partly, because elites from developing countries have always prided themselves on their “Westerness”, even if it is only the veneer of sophistication. And of course, education usually also provides the migrant with important language tools, marketable skills and a sense of confidence. But a society that cannot lift its second-generation 'migrants', regardless of who their parents were, must bear responsibility for failing to encourage cultural unity and sustainable integration.

Anyway, now the French want the creme de la creme of the developing world - except not forever. Now, the elite are to pick France over citizenship in the US and Canada, for a measly three year visa!! A very similar "green card" system failed miserably in Germany because it did not offer long-term residency (let alone citizenship) and in the end, the very type of migrant they were trying to lure, had many other (better) options to pick from. High tech workers have changed the image of the migrant and the rules of the game. Now, maybe for the first time ever, the migrant is a rational action with his own agency!

But somehow the French think things will be different for them. Of course, this ties in with the very Continental concept of brain drain. The French feel they are doing the right thing by forcing educated migrants to go home, so as not to rob Africa, India etc of their brains. As someone said today, well we have brains in surplus so don't worry about us. The very notion of brain drain angers me, not least because it is extremely paternalistic and somewhat hypocritical. I think the Europeans fear competition and so they really buy into the notion that by taking doctors from Africa and Asia, they are harming those countries. But what about the doctors who do stay in their countries of origin/developing world? There are no hospitals, no medicines etc. Why should any human with potential waste away? How are these people going to help their nation? And in fact, what does seem to happen with educated diasporas, is that they return, even 10, 20, 30 years later to help out in their country of origin through sharing of skills, investments and knowledge.

In the case of India, please - there is no need to worry about us. We have plenty of bright young ones, just waiting in the wings to take peoples' places. And if the West is so concerned about keeping the brains at home (in the country of origin), then help set up decent hospitals and provide necessary clinic facilities and equipment etc instead of sending us land mines and guns! Or as the BJP would say (not that I’m a fan of theirs), “micro-chips not potato chips!”

What will happen to Europe when they really start to let in highly qualified migrants and truly court the ‘talent’? I think a shift in perception and realities will take place - basically encouraging competition. No longer will the migrant be totally pitied or discriminated against and it will be very hard for the Europeans to then deal with their sense of superiority in the face of true competition. It will of course also change their societies, with people becoming much pushier and more ambitions. Get a few Indians in here an already things are being shaken up (I refer to the stiff competition the Belgian diamond cutters are now facing in Antwerp against the Chinese and Indian diamond cutters who are cheaper, better and faster and work much longer hours). On a side note, we’ll probably see more stores open on Sundays in Belgium and maybe longer store hours during the week to cater for what is actually ‘normal’ – people who don’t leave work at 5.30pm!

In my mind all this ties in with a global political shift of a growing rift between North and South at the same time as the South is gaining an economic and political voice. Brazil, China and India are redefining power politics, from trade and the WTO to Security Council seats at the UN. And capitalism in the end favours competition and new markets. The very beast of colonialism will reshape a new world order in some manner. Already at the WTO, developing nations are calling for a link between investment and trade and migration policies of the EU (in particular, visa facilitation for business and education).

With increasing globalization and shared markets, in the end, the EU and EU member states will have to change their migration policies and offer visas and residence cards to the developing world. And when there is a truly free flow of capital, persons and brains, only then will we see actual benefits and possibly even a more humanitarian spirit borne of shared experiences through a genuine eradication of the nation state.

Of course, none of the above unfortunately deals with the other side of the developing world, namely, West Africa and what is happening on the coast off Spain and Italy. Illegal or irregular or undocumented migration, whatever you want to call it, is a huge issue – mainly because it touches on a raw nerve and less because of actual figures. Anyway, that’s a posting for another day…