Victoria's oh so boring Secret and my oh so boring Syndrome

Last week I found out that I have poly-cystic ovary syndrome. I sort of knew I did...but I sort of forgot, after being diagnosed of it over 15 years ago and having been on the pill for so many years, that it all seemed a distant memory.

I was surprised on how this news knocked me - basically, because 15 years ago, it just meant going on the pill. Now, at age 33 and counting, it means a propensity towards diabetes, a number of physical symptoms (hair loss, acne, heavy periods, weight gain etc)and (what really took the wind out of my sails), a likely chance of infertility.

So, in feeling distinctly unfeminine, because as we PCOS sufferers know (we have our own purple and blue band to wear to show solidarity), what our body is really doing is producing more testosterone than necessary, I stopped of at Victori's Secret on my way home from the doctor's.

And boy, was I disappointed - and the only secret I seemed to be sharing in was how sad that this is what the country has come to, that underwear is purely functional, all padded with foam bras, only whispers of lace, and dishwater colours? And as I stood around the browns, blacks and whites (bras that is, without a saucy red or raunchy fuschia, or even a slinky purple in sight), I realised that like the badly made, terribly boring, underwear (NOT lingerie, this really can't be called lingerie), I was bieng confronted with, my own news was, well, kinda dull and boring. To get depressed over the lack of cute and sexy bra-panty sets was equivalent to getting depressed about my ovaries over-producing boy hormones - life and choices were still available to me and I just had to pull myself out of my funk.

Now, a few days on a I feel a lot better. Fertilitiy shermtility...as a child, I always imagined adopting, because I felt there was some unspoken vanity in believing your offspring could be better than others, just based on gene combos. And I've always been resentful that I have this biological clock ticking over me - in fact a possibility of infertility sets me free in a funny way. If there is any vanity I may flirt with in terms of children, its in the rearing vs the bearing. I would like to think my children will grow up balanced and caring of the earth and others, animals included.

As for the derth of sexy knickers available in VS, I'm consoled my self with thinking I can stock up on my upcoming euro-trip...and the knowledge, that like fertility, I can finally free myself of VS and its pink stuffed ponies - hopefully moving on to bigger and better things.